Serengeti Paparazzi

Here’s a conversation I recently overheard while on safari in the Serengeti.

Lion wife- Honey, I’m going out to pick up some dinner for us. Do you feel like anything special tonight?

Lion husband- Well, since you asked, I have had a hankering for that lovely warthog that you used to make. My mouth is watering just thinking about it!

Lion wife- You know how warthog repeats on you, Dear. How about wildebeest?

Lion husband- (with resignation) Well, OK…you know, we’ve had wildebeest 4 days in a row?!

Lion wife- (looking out the kitchen window, exasperated)- oh beans, those darn paparazzi are outside waiting for us again! We can hardly make a move around here any more without them snapping pictures of us! It may have been cute and a bit flattering initially, but now it has gotten completely out of hand! I feel like Princess Di and we both know how that turned out!

Lion husband- You don’t have to tell me! I was out back for my “morning constitutional” yesterday and these numbskulls were snapping pictures of my every “movement”, documenting the whole event! I can’t even take a shit in private! I’m sure there are pictures of my ass posted on Facebook by now! And the size of the lenses they are using! I’m sure they can count my hemorrhoids each morning! One of these days I’m going to lose my temper and…

Lion wife (interrupting him)- Now Dear, getting angry won’t solve anything. In fact, it’s likely to make matters worse. Do you remember how constipated you were after eating that Japanese tourist in August?

Lion husband- I know, I know. Of course you’re right, Sweetie. And that was eating a guy who eats mostly fish and rice. It was even worse a couple of years back when I ate that American. Although he made for a much bigger meal, the guy tasted like a Big Mac and fries! He was definitely not organic!

Lion husband (thinks a moment and continues)- How about I tuck the cubs in and then I’ll take a leisurely stroll out there for the cameras. I’ll yawn, stretch and maybe let out a roar or two. That should distract the idiots long enough for you to sneak out back and fetch some dinner. When it’s ready, let me know and we can meet over at the watering hole…you know…the one where we met 5 years ago today.

Lion wife (gushing and running over to her husband and nuzzling)- Oh Darling, you remembered!

Lion husband- Yes, of course I remembered! How could I forget the day that changed my life forever?! Happy Anniversary, Sweetie!
Lion husband (continues)- …and I was thinking that maybe after dinner, we could, you know…play “find the antelope in the bush” 100 times or so? Just like that night we met.

Lion wife- Ok, Mr. Frisky Whiskers! That sounds like a lovely way to spend our anniversary! And maybe your brother could keep the paparazzi busy so they are not photographing every detail of our sex life!

Lion husband- I’ll talk to him! It’s a date! See you in a bit. Let me go and put on a little show for these morons. It really doesn’t take much to keep them amused! Maybe I’ll pass some gas. That seems to really entertain them! They are soooooo stupid!